Intermarriage Conflict Agreement

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Entering into a moral agreement is serious because it provides boundaries, imposes limits even though a penalty may not be assessed. The Intermarriage Conflict Agreement hereafter referred to as "Agreement" is a strong recommendation of defined conduct to all parties who sign and who read this agreement. If any article within this agreement finds itself in conflict with the Torah Halacha or any Municipal, Civil, State or Federal law that govern our lives it shall be void and null.

This intermarriage agreement is provided as a sample only. When used properly it can be helpful in solving conflicts. Tailor this agreement to your own specific situations with the assistance of professional marriage guidance counselors, individual counselors or your family counselor. In the beginning it may be wise to test your agreement for a short time, then refine it.


1) No individuals signing their names to this agreement shall in any manner demand the other member(s) of this agreement to convert religions or change their values.

2) No individuals signing their names to this agreement shall in any manner encourage religious leaders, family, friends or anyone to persuade the other member(s) of this agreement to convert religions or change their values.

3) Each individual of this agreement shall employ with wisdom, fairness and discretion surrounding issues defined by members of this agreement as sensitive and shall not engage in the discussion of these issues in any manner without advance notice and agreement of all parties concerned.

4) Each individual of this agreement acknowledges that one or more members of this agreement has become more observant of their particular religion or values which has resulted in serious difficulties between some or all of the signers of this agreement.

5) Each party of this agreement acknowledges that any form of verbal abuse is hurtful, and potentially dangerous for the mental heath of all parties. Verbal abuse is a common form of mental injury and can lead to domestic violence. Loud verbal abuse could result in a police visit. Each partner should be careful not to arouse the anger of the other with:

A) Insults (including profanity)

B) Name calling

C) Threats

D) Belittling

6) Trump Carding is a form of escalation in a disagreement. Trump Carding is forbidden! (Trump carding is when one partner does A then the other partner does AA then the first partner responds with AAA.)

7) Each party acknowledges that any form of domestic violence cannot be tolerated.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior that may include physical, sexual,
economic, emotional and psychological abuse of one or more partner by another.

The goal of domestic violence is to establish and maintain power and control.

95% of reported cases of domestic violence involve a male batterer and female victim.

Domestic violence is a learned behavior usually by boys who witness their fathers'
violence. Boys whose childhood included incidents of domestic violence are 10 times more likely to engage in spouse abuse in later adulthood than boys from non-violent homes.

8) Each party acknowledges and agrees that if a conflict should begin, G-d forbid, safe rules for disagreement should be observed. The following are a list of Tools that members of this agreement may choose to employ:

A) One place within the home shall be designated as the "CONFLICT CONTROL AREA"; usually the most public, visible, open area with outside access.

The CCA (CONFLICT CONTROL AREA) should be free from any instruments of violence.

The rest of the home must be conflict free, PERIOD. EACH PARTNER SHOULD FEEL SAFE IN THE HOME!

B) Any of the following are DEFINED ACTS OF VIOLENCE and require assistance:

Treating or implying a threat... This is a RED FLAG!

Throwing anything... This is a RED FLAG!

Grabbing, forcibly holding or touching, or striking... This is a RED FLAG!

Weapons: Any weapon is dangerous and should be regarded as such. Weapons of any kind must be off limits. This is a RED FLAG!

C) TIME OUT A time out means just that. Time out means I need a time out until things calm down. All parties should honor a time out. A time out is a very serious tool that should not be abused. When a time out is called, it is good to engage in peaceful acts of stress reduction like a walk, run or a workout...

D) Professional Conflict Mediator
Using an unbiased outside source to help negotiate conflicts is a wise approach to hot areas of disagreement. The professional's experience in dealing with mine fields often is very helpful.

9) All individuals agree to carefully and safely work towards solving Jewish Intermarriage Conflict. As a result, each individual will submit requests of their desired goals in writing to the other individual(s) .

10) Length of Agreement. This agreement shall begin on _____________ date and continue through ___________________ date.



Signed by______________________ Signed by______________________


Signed by______________________ Signed by______________________


Signed by______________________ Signed by______________________ 

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